JOURNAL ENTRY: Wednesday 29 July 2015

Today is a pretty amazing achievement in my whole recovery process. I have actually been looking forward to going to my SAA meeting this evening for several reasons:

  • I like everyone who goes and I enjoy their company
  • If I keep my ears and my mind open I always learn something new
  • If I listen closely enough, when I choose to speak I can share something that others may need to hear
  • I continue to meet new people
  • I deepen the connections to those I already know

And finally, we all went out for a curry this evening, to celebrate Richards 1 year sobriety. 🙂

6 months ago I could not have even imaged going to something like this, let alone actually looking forward to it.

What is even more amazing is that because I am currently located near Oxford, it is rather a long way for me to get to my usual Wednesday evening meeting, so I asked James, if I could spend the night at his. He said YES 🙂

So not only have I been to a meeting that I have been looking forward to, I have also socialised with almost everyone who was at the meeting afterwards and then I have stayed at someone’s house, that I have hardly spent any time with previously and only know by his first name.

6 months ago, I couldn’t even have image staying at another family members house, let alone an almost total stranger. My motivation was that James is a really nice guy, who is roughly about the same age as me. I am curious to get to know him better and for him to get to know me.

In getting to know him better, I get to know myself better. Simple.

In the past I would have over thought something like this and convinced myself that I wouldn’t be able to cope with the situation or circumstance. Because I now choose to only live in this moment, I no longer project outcomes into a future that I haven’t yet experienced.

I find this to be a truly liberating way of life. When I think something is real or when I think something might happen, I increase the probability of that thing actually happening.

For example, if I think about drinking then if I allow myself to become that thought, I will make the choice the drink. As I have already made the choice and I have chosen sobriety, I no longer have to worry about what might happen.

I am no longer an alcoholic. I know I had a drink problem that I could and would not acknowledge. I have made my choice to never again drink alcohol in this moment. As this moment never ends, my choice always remains valid.

The same logic applies to all other addictions and my entire way of life. This is what living in the moment is all about.

A common misunderstanding of living in the moment, is to live FOR the moment.

This is incorrect and is similar in its mis-transliteration of ‘I think, therefore I am’ which, when correctly translated from the original French text, is ‘I AM. I EXIST.’

To live FOR the moment is to remove all personal responsibility for my thoughts, feelings and actions and any and all future consequences that these may have.

To live IN the moment is to be mindful of my thoughts, feelings and actions and to acknowledge that everything I AM has a consequence.

When I live IN the moment I relinquish all existential control and I acknowledge that I AM in control. I do not have control.

What is under my control? I AM.

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