JOURNAL ENTRY: Monday 24 August 2015

I’m back 🙂 I actually never went anywhere, I’ve always been here, but over the last few weeks I have been mastering the art of nothing.

In a previous post, some time ago, I said I had answered two questions that had got me into the HeadSpace that I needed in order to begin my recovery. These were:

  1. Who AM I?
  2. What do I WANT?

Originally I answered both these questions as followed:

  1. I AM
  2. Nothing

Whilst I continue to accept the answer to question 1, I have since learnt that a more appropriate answer to question 2 is: I do not want (AKA I have no desire).

To want nothing is still to want something. I needed to want nothing in order to fully appreciate what nothing is, but now that I know what nothing is, I no longer have any desire left in me.

I no longer want.

I now know that I AM no longer an addict because I understand the consequences of both causality (cause and effect, fatalism or destiny) and choice (free will). I know what will happen if I choose to do nothing and I simply watch the world go by. I know what will happen if I choose to do something, as in, I choose to intervene and exert my energy (free will) onto an existing outcome. I AM also vaguely aware of what happens if I choose to do everything, but that’s a story for another day.

I accept that I have been ill but I AM also aware that I made a choice to become the best possible version of myself. AM I not in control of my own destiny? I KNOW that I AM, thus I AM the change I choose to be. It’s that simple, it really is. (Simple and easy are two different words, just because something is simple, does not necessarily mean it is easy.)

As I have also written about in previous posts, I choose not to believe in anything, because belief is a concept of the mind. Instead I choose to know what my reality is because I only trust what I have personally experienced. To that end I do not believe that addiction is an illness that I will suffer from for the rest of my life. I AM the proof that a person can suffer from severe mental illness, including OCD (manifested as addictions) for more than 20+ years and then cure themselves.

I didn’t put my faith in god or a higher power, I simply got to know myself and understand WHO I AM and WHAT I WANT.

If you can honestly answer those two questions then you will also understand that the answer is ‘What is the meaning of acceptance?’

If you don’t believe me then that’s OK. I KNOW I AM no longer ill and there is nothing you can do to prove to me otherwise. If you tell me you are ill then I will simply have to believe you, but I choose not to believe…

See how this works… YOU only THINK you are ill. That’s what a mental illness is. You can heal yourself. It’s your MIND and your CHOICE.

PS: If you don’t believe me then perhaps you might listen to James Redfield:

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