JOURNAL ENTRY: Thursday 28 January 2016

What a difference a day makes!

I awoke naturally this morning at about 08:45, which was lucky given that I had turn my bleeping alarm off and hadn’t realised that I had also, accidentally, turned my radio alarm off too. So in essence I had a ready made excuse to say ‘stuff it’ and not get up and go to Yoga this morning, but rather than accept defeat from my mind, my spirit filled me and, somewhat reluctantly, got my body out of bed.

I wasn’t very hungry so decided on bran flakes over porridge this morning, which in hindsight was a mistake as I felt tired and not really with it during Yoga.

I’m pretty sure I’m not gluten sensitive, but I could definitely feel a difference in both my physical condition and my energy levels, having skipped my ‘normal’ breakfast this morning.

At Yoga we always spend 10 minutes at the end of class sitting in a circle and drinking tea. Depending on who is taking the class depends on the type of conversations that take place at the end and I have only been going for a week, so I don’t have a huge amount of experience, but I get the feeling, certainly today anyway, that there are a few people, if not more, who are there for similar reasons to myself.

Whilst no-one has come out and said anything directly, I am getting clues and hints that people may also be suffering from anxiety and other mental conditions that are impeding their daily lives. Whilst it’s obviously sad that others are also suffering, it is also somewhat comforting that I am not alone and that other people may be struggling just as much, if not more than me, during our classes.

Now that I am starting to see definite progress in my own self, both physically and mentally, I am starting to feel strong enough to open up to people about how I am feeling. I hope that this sharing process will not only benefit me personally, but that it may also help others to talk about their experiences and their suffering. This in turn may help create a bond between us that begins to break down that terrible feeling of loneliness and isolation that depression and anxiety creates.

This ideal fills me with hope that my own isolation and suffering is only temporary and renews my faith that openness and honesty is always the best policy. Always.

I was in two minds as to whether or not to go for a run after Yoga, as I was feeling pretty good once I got back and ate my 3x egg omelette on wholemeal toast, but calmer heads prevailed and so I decided to take a shower and then do some basic house keeping. I decided to give my collection of spider babies and spider plants a good showering of Reiki and some much needed care and attention.

This then lead to me cleaning my room and sorting out a few boxes of stuff that has been cluttering up the place for the last couple of month.

I then had a bowl of couscous at about 16:00, to tide me over until my 19:30 meal at alpha this evening.

Alpha was great this evening. It was session 2 about the reason why Jesus died on the cross for our sins. I was fortunate enough to have my spiritual awakening last year, so I no longer have any questions, as such, about God, the divine, the source, the light, Jesus, Buddha, Mohamed or the God particle… call it whatever you want, they are all just different interpretations for LOVE and I mean real LOVE, not the type of ego love that we associate with an object when we ‘love’ a person or thing.

It was wonderful to be part of a bigger group and to have a genuine discussion about how people view reality. I am very much looking forward to next week and to seeing everyone again and getting to know them all a little better.

On my way home I realised that I had cured myself, again. I’m also realistic that it may not last, but that that fact doesn’t matter. This time I have pulled myself out of the hole and found myself again.

This time I don’t have to question it because I know what it feels like from before. I am genuinely looking forward to embracing my day again tomorrow and to embracing the potential relationships and opportunities that life is and will continue to present to me.

I feel like my awareness of my conscious self has been restored, which also means that my connection to the source has also been restored. My depression has lifted, my anxiety has evaporated and I feel happy, calm and peaceful 🙂

I have a feeling that things are about to get interesting 🙂 but I also won’t beat myself up if I don’t feel great tomorrow or the day after. I understand that this is all one big process (test) and the more I embrace the process of healing, learning and growing the closer I am to being ‘ready’.

May peace and love (The Force) be with you, always.

PS: I am also acutely aware that having a space to write and share my daily thoughts, without judgement or prejudice, is also a hugely powerful method of self healing and so I thank everyone who has ever and will ever take the time to read and acknowledge this journal and I will return the favour, I promise. I LOVE you all.


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