JOURNAL ENTRY: Monday 11 April 2016

On Wednesday 30th March 2016 I decided to surrender to the madness that is my mind.

Less than two weeks later I have found peace.

Is there an irony that this date represents exactly 1 calendar year from the date that I originally walked into my first 12 Step Fellowship meeting? I think not.

I would like to share a new interpretation of:

You can run, but you can’t hide.

I would like to frame this saying within the context of enlightenment, for you see consciousness is ever present, but the mind likes to run away with itself.

Sometimes the mind can get lost within itself because it is running away from consciousness at such a fast pace that it never stops to actually acknowledge what it is doing. Just think for a moment how many times we have become fixated on a particular outcome or objective and then constantly pursue this (future) destination with a relentless determination. The more we fail to achieve, the harder we try.

For example: finding the perfect partner will make us happy or, if only we could get our partner to be more like this then we would be happy. This is an existential ‘thing’, so it is almost impossible that it will ever be achieved by force, yet we soldier on, trying ever harder to make our dreams come true.

This, for me, is the sickness of mind. The mental preoccupation with expectation. Something that we can all suffer from.

In this state of mind, nothing is ever obtainable because the goal posts are forever shifting, yet we blindly continue in a vain effort to obtain the unobtainable.

This is where I have learnt that surrender is a most powerful tool against the egoic mind. Once we admit defeat and admit that we can no longer keep up with the mind, we suddenly realise that there is nowhere left to hide. This is self-actualisation.

When confronted with the nature of our tormentor and the madness that ensues, we are then presented with a choice. Do I run again or try and hide? Only this time it is not the mind that is making the choice, it is my conscious self. If we simply surrender, then what follows is inevitable. PEACE.

Conflict arises within the mind because Being (conscious-self) knows what peace is, but the noisy egoic mind cannot be wrong, otherwise it would prove to itself that it is not a functional piece of equipment, so it continues to be noisy (busy). Peace means that the mind must hand the keys over to the true master of Being, consciousness. The mind does not want to do this, so the mind resists. This is where surrender comes in.

When I AM suffering, I find serenity through the process of surrender and serenity ultimately leads to salvation, the end of suffering. This is the path of enlightenment.

To be in conflict is to resist what is. To be surrender is to accept and from acceptance, true meaning can present itself in the form of:

If I am not my thoughts, then what AM I? Who AM I? Where AM I? When AM I?

This is the key to the gate that leads to freedom (enlightenment) and to the fruits of the spirit. If we think we are free then we are not free. The only way to truly know freedom is to be free, but the mind does not know what freedom is. Here in lies the paradox of Being.

So many times have we tried to be something or have we waited for something, when all along the answer was right there, within us. All we had to do was quieten our mind so that we could hear the answer. The answer that we were searching for is silence.

When we choose not to speak we are talking to ourselves. When I choose not to listen we are at peace.

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