JOURNAL ENTRY: Sunday 24 July 2016

As days go, this one has been OK.

As I write this now, I have a sense of serenity, calm, peace and completeness.

I have also felt like I have spent the day at one notch above boring, and you know what, that is OK.

I have once again come to the inevitable conclusion that:

I want for nothing

It is such a simple concept, yet it is one of the most powerful mantras that I know.

By simply acknowledging the present moment I acknowledge that; I am alive and I am conscious of my own existence. The universe must therefore be a perfect creation in order to facilitate the enormity of this manifestation. For me to bear witness to this phenomenon that is ‘I’ as both an observer and the observed, I must conclude that I am one with the universe and all its innate perfection.

So what else really matters?

In this state of self-actualised Being, how could I want for more?

I may need certain things in order to facilitate the continuation of this state of Being, but nothing else really matters because the truth is that what comes, goes and what goes, comes back again.

The only way to hold on to anything is to let it go. For me, this is how abundance works.

It is no coincidence then, that today I have also been to a Reiki share, where I also received my final attunement for the Japanese Reiki course I took a couple of months ago.

Up until now, I have always perceived the universe as a physical ‘thing’. Very recently I have started to sense the universe as energy.

This is not to say that my perception has changed. My senses still perceive solid objects, but I am able to comprehend the reality that nothing is solid and that everything else is just energy. I feel like Alice, looking through the looking glass and down the rabbit hole, wondering how far it goes.

I feel far more prepared than I was, even this time last year.

My energy state, even compared to yesterday, feels like it has grown significantly, but this time my ‘triangle’ is grounded on one side, rather than one of its points. This means that as my energy grows, I remain firmly grounded. As my energy levels increase, so does the base of the triangle, allowing me to reach new heights, without toppling over. This is the lesson I have spent the last year learning. It is the lesson that is allowing me to overcome bi-polar depression and suicidal depression.

I am still very much learning, but I now understand more about what it is that I am supposed to be learning. This is not an easy concept for someone who has spent the vast part of him adult life, doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result.

Tomorrow I am off to a Quaker retreat for a few days in Bamford with some fellow recovery buddies and I am really looking forward to it. I am seeing this as the genuine opportunity that it is, to get to know some very lovely people better than I know them today.

One of these fellows reminded me today, that when I keep it in the moment, and only worry about today, life gets so much easier. For sure, I need to be mindful of tomorrow and all the potential that tomorrow brings, but that potential can only every be realised today, NOW.

Simple really.

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