Today has been pretty much the same as yesterday. I didn’t wake up properly until 12:00, although I’m sure I was just dozing from about 09:00 on wards. I watched an X-File when I woke up and then went back to sleep until about 16:00 when I started watching another X-File.
I still feel absolutely whacked. I’ve tried to drink as much water as I can, but I’ve only managed about 2-3 pints so far.
The only thing I’ve had to eat is some dinner at about 19:30 so far. I’ve not felt hungry at all.
I feel like I need the rest. I feel relaxed, but I can also feel my body get very tense when I start to think, so I’m using this time to simply try not to think too much.
I am an OCD thinker and I’m starting to see that I can exist without thinking. It’s hard to explain, but it is like witnessing my thoughts, rather than being my thoughts. I’m not sure at what point this happened, but at some point over the last year I appear to have lost myself in thought again.
I’m hoping that this tired period is my brain being given time by the medication to shut down a little and start re-wiring itself. I certainly take a lot of hope from how I felt when I woke up yesterday morning. Whilst the feeling didn’t last very long, it was a familiar feeling that I used to have that simply felt like everything is going to be OK. I’m just trying to practice not being stressed at the moment. I didn’t realise how hyped up I’ve been again recently.
I’m truly grateful that I can spend these times in bed and I just continue to say the serenity prayer, so that I know when the time to get going comes. This is the second time I’ve spent 2 days in bed in the last week, as Monday/Tuesday were very similar. I’ll give the medication until the end of November, then I’ll have enough time to go back to the doctor for advice on what to do next.
I’ve mustered enough energy to catch up on my journal, but I feel wiped out again and need to lie down.
On the plus side, The X-Files season 8 is progressing well…