JOURNAL ENTRY: Tuesday 06 June 2017

I need to admit that I’ve been acting out recently with social media and I need to Step 10 my behaviour and make amends.

It’s not been any sort of sexual acting out, it’s been co-dependent acting out.

This is yet another layer in the peeling of the proverbial onion. I can clearly see that what I’ve been doing has been destructive and potentially dangerous, but I’ve been powerless to stop myself from doing it.

I’ve been pushing the boundaries on what is acceptable content and topics of conversation on social media. I’ve been deliberately provocative, bordering on offensive. Truth be told, the only person this harms is me and my friends, who I abuse in order to act out my passive/aggressive anger and frustration.

Now that I am aware that I am doing this, it STOPS NOW.

I’ve had my weekly therapy session, which I didn’t have last week as my therapist was ill. I’ve also called out to a recovery buddy and reconnected with him, plus I’ve been to my Tuesday evening CoDA meeting. All of which had contributed to me being the headspace that I needed in order to regain some perspective.

I’m also going to start considering what my next right move is regarding what I do with the rest of my life. A couple of rather large subjects to be dealing with to be sure.

I’m grateful that I have my recovery and my program to keep me safe and provide me with the support and guidance that I need at this time.

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