JOURNAL ENTRY: Monday 27 May 2019

My general energy levels have been back to “normal” today. I’d say I was at 80-90% before I had my cup of coffee, which then kinda sent me to 110%, but it’s been manageable.

I must admit, I’ve felt a bit lost today, as it’s been bank holiday Monday. I hadn’t made any plans to do anything, because of my general tiredness recently, plus the fact that most places are more crowded then usual during the weekends and bank holidays. My general anxiety spills over into social anxiety and I’m not a huge fan of busy places filled with people, so I prefer to do my days out during a weekday, when places are quieter. This is part of the reason that I’m looking to change careers, so that I’m not tied to a 9-5 and can have more flexibility with how I spend my time.

This does present me with the challenge of self discipline, which to be honest, has never been my strong point, but it’s something that I’m working on. In the days of active addiction, I wasn’t really aware of the fact that I had a choice, I just acted out of what felt like the need to fulfil that hole in my soul. Today I’m much more present and aware of the choices that I have in front of me.

Today I was caught between the joy of having my energy back and wanting to make the most of it, coupled with the sensibility that I had literally just got my energy back, and that if I over did it, I might lose it again. So the first thing that I did was go for my daily walk to help clear my head and process how I was feeling. I’ve been walking everyday for 40 minutes for the last 6 months or so, ever since I started the ketogenic diet. This raises an interesting point, because I believe part of my drop in energy has been caused because I slipped out of ketosis and my body hasn’t known if it was supposed to be using glucose or ketones for fuel.

I’ll be honest, I’ve been a bit lax on the diet for the last few month and I’ve eaten more carbs than I probably should have done, which has lead to me being more up and down than I was nearer the beginning. I’ve found the ketogenic diet to be wonderful in supporting me overcome my depression. My energy and my mood has been much more stable and consistent in ketosis than it ever was when I was metabolising glucose.

The only downside that I have found to a ketogenic diet is that it’s almost impossible to find keto friendly food whilst out and about. The plus side is that I now eat a very high proportion of home cooked, organic meals, but this does come back to the self discipline issue.

I’m still taking a low dose of anti-depressant and anti-psychotic medication, which do create carbohydrate cravings. I’ve found that when I’m in ketosis, these cravings, along with the hunger pangs reduce considerably. The key for me, is to maintain a high level of ketosis, but when I first started my writing I was doing much of it in coffee shops, which meant buying food if I was hungry and this food wasn’t all that keto friendly.

Since dropping out of ketosis I’ve found it really difficult to find the discipline to ride the wave of unpleasant sensations that switching over causes, so I’ve just been generally lax about what I’ve been eating. After experiencing the beginning of the burnout last week, I decided that I just needed to do one or the other. Initially I felt like giving up the ketosis for a few months, but I felt so awful after one day on carbs that I decided to switch back and go solely keto again. I think it’s taken me about a week, but hopefully today is proof that my body is working in a state of ketosis again.

Out of all the things that I could have done, I decided to do some more cleaning up of my online world. It’s been really good to see how much sprawl I’ve created. I’ve got multiple different accounts all over the place, from Twitters, to Instagrams, to blogs, to Facebook pages and groups to multiple different email accounts. It really is too much, so I’ve spent the day logging in and working out what I’ve got and then deleting stuff that I haven’t used this year, which turns out to be just about all of it. I’m hoping that by creating a simpler online presence, that revolves more around me, that I’ll feel more comfortable around owning what I need, rather than being distracted by what I don’t.

I feel really good about the purge and letting go of stuff that no longer serves a purpose. I think today’s lesson is a reminder to keep it simple, which ultimately helps reduce stress and therefore keeps my brain in a more comfortable and content place.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s