It’s the hat. It must be the hat, because that’s the third incident that I’ve been present to whilst wearing the hat. I can’t remember if I shared this previously, but a couple of weeks ago, on my daily walk around the block, I decided to wear the baseball cap that I got for free the last time I visited the Farnborough Air Show. I used to wear it all the time and my friend had one too. It was kind of a thing between us, especially at meetings. Anyway, there is this other chap that I see regularly when I go for my daily walk and he always has a cap on, which made me think, now that it’s sunny, why don’t I wear a cap, as my eyes aren’t so good with bright sunshine. So on this particular occasion, I did. I’d got about a third of the way around the block (which is about 4k in total) and I passed this grey/silver Mercedes. As I approached I noticed two guys sat in the front seats. The passenger, which was the one nearest me, wound his window down, looked at me and and then preceded to ask me to “get in”, to which I immediately and instinctively said “no thanks, I’m good”. He repeated his statement, to which I once again declined and kept on walking.
That was a bit strange, I thought to myself and three possible explanations came to MiND. First, they thought I was young and were trying to abduct me, which I quickly dismissed as I don’t look anywhere near 12 and I’m not a small guy. Second, they were pimps and there was a working girl in the back seat. Hmm… probably more of a fantasy that REALiTY to be honest and then finally, that they thought I wanted to by drugs. Yes, that was the most probable explanation, they were drug dealers looking to score and I just happened to be looking particularly “druggy” with my baseball cap on on that day. As I don’t use drugs I kept going, wondering if I should turn around and grab their number plate and report them, but I thought better of it and kept walking.
At about two thirds of the way round, I turn my head to look at two cars that have stopped, as the first one is making a right turn, when a third car arrives, going way too fast. The driver looks like his staring into his lap, possibly at a mobile phone. I think to myself… and then it happens, crunch, right into the back of the car in front. Both drivers appear to be OK, so I keep walking.
That was an eventful walk. I had the hat on.
Today I’ve been for a beautiful day out with PJ to the south coast. We parked up at Highcliffe, had some lunch and then walked along the beach front all the way down to Christchurch harbour and back. The weather was perfect, clear blue sky’s with the occasional small fluffy cloud, a gentle cool breeze and the sound of the ocean lapping away. It was just what I needed in order to chill out and get some wider perspective and the company was just what I needed too. I get on really well with PJ. We just click and see the world in a very similar way. What’s most apparent to me, to the success of our friendship, is the mutual respect that we hold for each other and out ability to gently and kindly agree to disagree when we don’t see eye to eye. Because it was such a beautifully sunny day, I decided to take and wear “the hat”.
We decided to take a load off when we reached Christchurch harbour and admire the peace, tranquillity and majesty of the wide open space in front of us. PJ had brought his binoculars and so we were looking out across the sea towards the Isle of White and the boats that were coming and going. Then a chap in a car parked up behind us, left the engine running and his stereo on. He got out and sat on his bonnet. I took this as a sign that it was time for us to move on and didn’t give it a second thought until PJ turned around and asked him if he could turn the music down. The chaps immediate response was to say no. PJ’s immediate reaction to this was to get up and square off against this him. At this point I knew it wasn’t going to end well.
This was the first time that I’d got a proper look at the guy from the car and I could tell that there was something about him, a certain energy. I won’t go into detail, but after a few minutes of talking, it escalated to pushing and shoving and an incident broke out. No one was hurt and the chap eventually got back in his car and turned the music down, but it left me wondering what to do.
I don’t like conflict and I see it as wholly unnecessary. Once we see the world through the eyes of CONSCiOUSNESS, you realise that we are all part of the same ((SHARE)D) CONSCiOUSNESS and that the battle is with the EGO. If you’ve separated out the CONSCiOUS self from the EGO, there is no longer a battle, just observations of those still battling. From this perspective, any conflict is ultimately with yourself, because we are all one. This perspective takes a great degree of humility, as it’s easy to get caught up in hubris.
Personally, I wouldn’t have got involved with the chap in the car, as I had no idea what was going on with him. Maybe he was having a bad day and just needed 15 minutes to himself by the sea. I’ve been there and done that. Maybe he just wanted some attention and someone to talk to and possibly even a hug from a random stranger, who knows. Either way, I’ve ended the day wondering if he was OK?
My immediate thought, once the altercation had ended and PJ sat back down, was to step 10 this chap and make amends. I knew my friend would be OK because he was with someone, but maybe this chap didn’t have that support and by PJ’s action and my inaction, we’d left him in a worst state than when he arrived. That realisation made me feel sad and is why I always avoid conflict. There are no winners.
I’m self soothing myself by using the spheres of influence model. Was I there to help this chap? Possibly, but I wasn’t there with the intention of helping anyone. I was there to help myself. This was a day out for me to provide some loving self care to myself. I would have been willing to help anyone, but they needed to ask, otherwise I’m just looking for unnecessary trouble. I had invited PJ, so there was a duty of care to make sure my friend was OK, but I also recognise that I am not responsible for him or his actions. Boundaries. He did what he felt was the right thing for him to do, in that moment. Only he knows if that worked for him or not.
PJ and I used the remainder of the walk to discuss why the incident occurred. I’m confident that by talking things through together, he managed to calm himself down and found the process of examination useful.
Ultimately, was it my bloody hat that caused the incident? I jest, but maybe this chap saw two guys on a bench, one wearing a hoodie and a baseball cap and thought he might score? Is there something about me that looks “shifty” in that hat?
Regardless, my feelings were that it’s a huge beach and everyone has a right to be there. Sometimes we come across people who we don’t feel comfortable with. Before recovery I was very defensive and inwardly aggressive. I’d have been ready for a fight. Now, I do my best to approach people and situations with compassion, because you never know what’s really going on with someone until you communicate and find a level where you can make a connection. Once you’re on the same CONSCiOUS level, there is never going to be a problem because two become one.
In my humble opinion, this human REALiTY is all about compassionate CONSCiOUS connections. That’s the point of BEiNG and the way of DOiNG.