JOURNAL ENTRY: Sunday 21 July 2019

Today medication: 25mg Sertraline

Today feels like a really important day for receiving messages and joining the dots together. One thing that I struggle with is constant low energy. I’ve always attributed this to my depression, as the only times I’ve had high energy in recent memory has been during periods of mania. I think there is another explanation.

On the 09th July 2015 I entered a state of ENLiGHTENMENT. As part of that experience, I entered the VOiD of the unmanaifested. I was able to enter and leave at will, pushing “normal” REALiTY out of existence and simply existing as pure CONSCiOUSNESS in an infinate moment of absolute peace and clarity. The events of that day are a story for another time. What’s important is that I have direct and first hand, “physical” experience of the VOID.

The VOiD is the beginning and the end of all things. It is the alpha and the omega. It is the source of all creation. In essance, the VOiD is what people are talking about when they use the word God. The VOiD is pure and absolutel NOTHiNGNESS. There is no quantum state, no physical matter, just NOTHiNG. Paradoxically, EVERYTHiNG that has ever been, is and will ever be resides within the VOiD.

My point is, creation is manifested from the VOiD. EVERYTHiNG that we experience as our “normal” REALiTY began it’s existence in the VOiD. Energy, light, matter… it all eminates from the VOiD.

A question that I have been asking myself recently is, was/am I mentally ill or have my expereinces simply been “spiritual”? My answer is, it depends on your perception and interpretation of REALiTY, but ultimately yes, I believe they are spiritual. Science cannot explain the nature of REALiTY and there is way, way, WAY more going on than our mere physical existence.

In my manic/ENLiGHTENED state I felt very energies, like I was vibrating at a higher frequency and was connected to the source, which I now know is the VOiD. I’m increasingly confident that I was subconsciously manifesting unlimited energy from the source of all creation. My only problem back then was, I didn’t know how I was doing it, didn’t know what to make of it and I certainly had know idea what to do with it. Enter Reiki…

Having joined a few dots together today, the last time I experiened this high energy state was the day after my first Reiki treatment, which was November/December time in 2015. I then started my Reiki 1 training and I haven’t felt that same high energy state since. Where I’m joining the dots together is that something is missing from my Reiki teachings. Every time I’ve ever attended a Reiki share, I’ve always come away feeling drained, rather than energise. I’m surmising that rather than learning to control the flow of energy, I’ve inadvertatly shut it down, even reverse the polarity. Either way, the result is, I feel like I’m leaking energy rather than filling with it.

This feels like a very important insight, but I once again find myself not knowing what to do next. Everything cost money and money is something that I don’t have in abundance right now. I know I’m being overly cautious when it comes to investing in something that may not work. I’m also aware that there are no guarantees in this LiFE, and sometimes I simply have to take a leap of faith in order to test something out.

The conclusion that I’m coming to is that there is no singular answer. LiFE is a multitude of intersecting dimensions, so my mental/emotional state (depression) is contributing to my energy levels, in the same way that my physical state, with my medication, is also contributing. Then there is the spiritual state, which may be blocked for a very good reason right now and my job is to once again look inside myself to find the answer.

All I know for certain right now, is that I’m undergoing a noticable period of change. My career is changing, my social groups are changing, my medication is changing… lots and lots of change, so what’s really important is that I remain grounded through this process and don’t get lost in the wo wo factor.

One of the other challenges I face is the credibility of others. There is a whole plethera of spritual teachers, LiFE coaches etc. who are all making money out of “this”, but on what grounds do they claim this right? I’ve yet to meet anyone who has had the same level of direct spiritual interaction with the VOiD as I have, amoungst other thing, and therefore everyone else feels a bit like a fraud. What’s really important is that people feel authentic and I’m aware that I need to trust my gut more when it comes to this. The clues do present themselves, I simply need to become more assertive.

On a different topic, I’m pretty sure I’ve been experiencing brain “zaps” this evening, which is one of the side effects of Sertraline withdrawal. I’ve also felt really tired today, so I’m curious as to whether I’m starting to notice some of the more subtle side effects of Aripiprazole (Abilify) and Sertraline (Zoloft) withdrawal. Writing this journal does help ground me and keep things real. The moment I go off on a tangent train of throught is when I start to get lost. There is something concrete about writing these things down. All I can do is continue to be honest with myself and monitor the process.

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